Wandering Campus

Today I rode my bike all over the place and found all my classes. I stopped by the South Oval at the Renaissance thing that was going on today. It was really fun. We learned a whole bunch of medieval dances and played some improv games. I think that's another club I'd like ot do. iw ant to join the Musicians Guild and then I'd get to play for the dances and stuff. I went to the bookstore today and got my german book. It was a lot cheaper than I expected, which was nice. I still have to wait until after the first day to find out what English books I need, but that's okay. I should be fine. Tonight I'm going to a Jazz picnic at the South Oval and then a PSA meeting. I'm kinda worried because I think Jeremy wants to be more than friends, but I can't tell. He asked me to go to dinner with him tonight, but I'm not because I'm going to that picnic with my roomies. I don't know what I should do about him. I mean, I don't want to offend him or anything, but I don't want anything to do with him like that. Maybe I'm just being paranoid though, maybe he's just trying to be nice. I don't know. Whatever, that's all for now though, Ciao!

Panicking

So tonight I went to the PSA meeting. It was worth it. Not quite what I expected, but I'll definately be going back to the next meeting. However, I did have quite a scare. There was this guy named Keith at the renaissance thing, and then I saw him at the Jazz concert and he came with me to the PSA meeting. I mean, he seemed cool, like it seemed like we had a lot in common. But at the end of the meeting he offered to walk me home, but said we could stop at his place on the way and I could see his room. That turned on all the warning bells in my head (which I guess is a good thing that I at least have them now). I just ignored him and evaded that time, but then before we left he suggested it again. I told him my roommates were expecting me for movie night (which was true) and went to leave. He said he'd still walk me home since it was on his way anyways. So we were walking and was talking and pointing stuff out to me, generally being nice. But then we got to the street where his house is and he stopped and said "well, my room is really cool, if you wanna come up." I told him no and then he said "well, if you were, you'd like it" almost like a guilt trip, but not quite. He kinda pulled me into him for a half hug and my heart jumped for a moment, but then he let go and I realized he was just hugging me goodbye. Then he offered his phone number and I said no. I walked a ways down High Street, realized I was on the verge of a panic attack and freaking out, so I called Ben, even though it was almost 10. I told him what happened and I talked to him. When I got up to the room I started crying because I was so relieved and scared. I think Ben thought I was overreacting, he kept bring up other stuff and I kept trying to tell him how I was feeling and how I was scared and trying to just convey everything that was racing through my head. Then he had to go. I guess his mom told him to get off the phone. It was late, like 10:15 or so. I prolly shouldn't have called him in the first place. I knew I wasn't supposed to call him late at night, but I was just so shook up that I needed to talk to someone who knew my history and who wouldn't be overly dramatic about it and who would just listen to me and not just pretend to listen. I guess another thing that scared me a lot was the fact that he belongs to a martial arts club that focuses on sparring. And I mean, right now, against a normal person I think I could at least put up a decent fight, but against someone else who also has training, I realize that I msot likely wouldn't even stand a chance. So now I'm sitting up with my roomies around me watching The Notebook and typing this, just trying to write how I feel right now. But that's I'm writing in here for now, ciao...